Photos: Giuseppe Amato
Models: Elena Gerardi, Manuela Z
Scrip by: Nicoletta Fiori (nico.fiorellino@gmail.com)
I woke up suddenly, cold sweats, still wearing my clothes from the night before; one unique though was shredding my brain, that specific thought that has always dreaded the most any human being: “Was it just a dream or did it really happen?"
I shut my eyes to recollect all the details. There was a girl. She was staring at me intensely, her look was really sweet, but slightly disturbing. Behind her there was a corn field, it sort of looked like the one where I used to play as a child, by myself, always alone. I felt like a grown up even as a child and I had to learn fast, too fast.
She yelled “Stop! You can’t carry on this way. You are wrecking your dreams, your memories, your world” What was she going on about? I am happy, I live a life I have chosen, I have no more regrets. Behind her a dark wall and on the floor tiles which remind me the ones in my grandparents’ kitchen. Suddenly I felt as scary as I never felt before, but I did not want this feeling to fade away. It felt mine. And it all came back: the violence, the fear, the pain
I couldn’t move. And felt forced to do what she said. I never saw this girl before, but I certainly had met her eyes. An extreme paradox, the only thing that made sense about what was going on and what I was experiencing.
She whispered: “Look at how I was before. Playing and not having fun. Can you remember how sad you were as well? I want to make up for it, take the pain away from you even if that means to hurt you”
“Look at me then. Smiling” she kept on saying. “Remember: when you lose hope you gain freedom. After all, you taught me so” Her plotless words like a monotonous singing. She was in jail, have I ever been to jail? Will I go there soon? Who was I and where was I? I heard some far away screams.
Then it came the night, abruptly. “What’s your name?”, I asked her. She seemed not hearing my words, but told me: “See how dark it’s in here? I feel strong here. I have always been this way. I love rain, sadness, darkness. Just like you. I feel at ease when hugged by mist, you should know that”
I felt like fainting and felt, it felt so real. She was still there, talking.
“You see it’s like taking off a mask”
“Here, try it on” I did, but wore it off straight away. Too late, though: I became her.
She was no longer calm, but austere, rude, impatien. “Are you listening to me??? Don’t upset me, there is only one thing to do if you want to keep on living. You can’t keep on like this” I got lost again in the meaning of her words, but I felt like a robot, pins and needles in my arms, very heavy feet.
I felt like chocking.
“It may seem painful and hard, but you have to destroy in order to build again. You have never dared before to do it. Now you have to, or els we’ll both die” Why was she saying so?
What did she want from me?
She showed me a house and she set fire to it. I wanted to stop her and drag her away, did not care about the house, actually I liked the sparkling light coming out of the fire, but I did not want her to get burned. She said: “It is actullay better to burn than to destroy, to make sure you reduce it to dust, dust cannot be rebuilt”
She turned back and was about to leave. Then she murmured: “You can have the gun now. You won’t probably need it, but you never know. Go home now”
While seeing her fading away I could still hear some words: “We will live forever now, whatever happens, your nightmares are gone, those which have tortured you since ever. We are finally free now”
And then the last shot from my dream, the actual reason why I woke up so frightened. I was aiming the gun at myself, there I was looking at my self like in a mirror and aiming at myself.
I was safe just because I woke up. My heart was racing. And now the radio is on. A woman set fire to a house. And then ran away. They are coming to get me. I must run away. Or maybe they’ll understand I haven’t killed you guys. But a part of me. And all my nightmares.